This is what the feminine looks like in This man:
As I notice a fear arising, I imagine the courage it takes for someone to ‘come out’. And so I thank my gay brothers … esp Greg Gondron & David Govaker … for challenging & supporting me to clean up my homophobic imprint. It will never go away, but each clear and fearless declaration reclaims more territory. So here goes … 🌈
My Emotional Landscape:
Many of my feelings are messy, uncomfortable, and painful, bringing gut-wrenching wails and buckets of tears. In no part of me do I believe that crying is for sissies. Tears arise when witnessing love, beauty, truth, and suffering in the world, embraced with gratitude, as my heart breaks open … again and again and again.
From many years of learning and cultivating emotional literacy, I am vertically connected, deeply intuitive, and like Mercury, I travel across the upper, middle, and lower worlds. My inner voice gives descriptive language to my unique emotional landscape.
I wear bold colors, funky pants, women’s t-shirts, lots of ink. Since the 60’s, I have worn earrings & long hair. Painting my own toenails is a welcomed ritual. My closet is full of shoes, and I go into the women’s department before the men’s. Carrying a bag or purse makes so much sense, because it’s a literal pain in the ass to carry a bulging wallet.
My body is sacred, doing good self-care, eating well, wearing facial moisturizer. I have a healthy pride & vanity, and endeavor to present myself as a unique piece of art to the world. Over time, I have learned to honor my periodicity and my moods.
My partner and I are equals, I listen to her with an open heart. She usually drives, and I get to sit in the passenger seat in silence (even on our motorcycle). We share ironing & cooking & shopping & doing the dishes. We both like being on top and bottom, and we consult on all matters.
Reborn in a Feminine Culture:
When living in Mexico, I witnessed a matriarchal culture, worshipful of the Goddess, respectful of the Mother, men always fearful of her powers. The Earth is full and ripe, the soil fertile, the women and the colors big and bold. When I was a boy, my mom dressed me as a gypsy girl, so Mexico feels like home.
For the very first time in my whole adventurous life, the feminine/the woman in me felt safe to come forth. As the Spanish tradition is to take the mother’s name along the lineage, I took my Sicilian mother’s and my grandmother’s first names as my name. This name … Dene Maria Sebastiana … is finally who I truly am and have always been.
In My Dreams:
Especially, I welcome the feminine in my dreams, she has always helped me to see the good in others, and to stay humble. I am grateful that she has deemed me worthy to live with an open heart. Through her, I embrace my tenderness, anywhere and everywhere. 💕